Cultivating The Art of Self Love
My Healing Journey…
While growing up in my family, heart-centered relationships and healthy emotional communication weren’t the norm. As I grew older, I strived to find love and connection with myself and others. Only it didn’t go so well at first. During my teen years, my heart had been broken many times over from repeated abandonment and trauma in my relationships. Leaving me feeling broken and alone. I also struggled with many other unhealthy behaviors, like smoking, drinking and drugs. Because I didn’t know what it meant to love or value myself, nor how to do it, I was searching for happiness in all the wrong places.
The suffering I experienced drove me onto my healing path when I was 18 years old. That year I decided to follow my passion of being a massage therapist and I enrolled in a very good school. As I began to deeply heal the wounds of my past, my whole life started to change. As I grew, I discovered every area in my life began improving as well. My relationships, my career, family, my health, and finances have all blossomed in ways I had always dreamed of. The transformational steps I’ve learned have helped me to beautifully unfold and enrich my life. These concepts and tools I believe will also help benefit you in growing your life, so you too are able to experience more love, peace and happiness.
Self-love is a gift we give to ourselves, which ultimately makes our health and relationships and all other areas of our life much better, as well. It’s about learning to love and accept all of you. The parts you don’t like to look at as well as the parts you are happy and comfortable with. Self-love is about valuing who you are and knowing your worth. It takes time, patience and practice to develop these qualities within ourselves. We are all doing the best we can, given the knowledge and awareness we have in each moment. The good news is, each day is new for us to begin again.
Many of our imprints begin in childhood. Our parent’s belief systems or society have influenced how we grow and shape our world. Taking the time to pause and evaluate our thoughts and beliefs, correcting any areas that need healing, we are more likely to end the cycle of repeating the same unhealthy patterns over again in our life.
The way we communicate with ourselves creates how we feel and influences the choices we make. Imagine sitting with someone you love very much. How would you talk to them? What would you say or do to let them know how much you love and appreciate them? If they made a mistake, what words would you use to comfort them? You can write this down in a letter form or record yourself saying these words. Now shift your focus and imagine saying these words to yourself. This may not be so easy, right? You’re not alone. Speaking kindly to ourselves isn’t something we’re used to doing or is even encouraged often in society. We’re taught to disregard our own needs as being vain or selfish.
Sometimes I often find woman doing so much for others without asking anything in return. It’s something you may even take pride in doing. Saying to yourself, “I can do it all! Work a full-time job, make a home cooked dinner every night, keep the house clean, stay fit, and attend every school function and extra-curricular activity.” This constant overdoing with disregard for one’s own needs and desires comes with a price. You may start feeling resentful, fatigued, angry, depressed, or other health issues.
A year ago, I remember working two businesses, while being a single mom. I had goals I wanted to achieve in providing for my daughter but was completely out of balance with my health. As a result, my immune system was shot. I contracted two staph infections in two months along with debilitating chronic fatigue. I decided to quit my second business and my regular exercising routine. It took me two months to regain my health and energy. This experienced taught me I didn’t have to hurt myself in order to create the happiness and success, I wanted in life.
Our attitude and what we focus on each day helps to determine how good life can be for us. What we believe about life creates our experiences. If we believe life must be hard and tumultuous, then we will continue to create more hardship and difficulty. We can create our own happiness, even amidst a challenging time. Embracing this mindset gives us the and motivation we need to move forward and upward in our lives.
Try this happiness exercise… Imagine a scale from 1 to 10. One being the lowest end point (no happiness) and 10 being the highest (Bliss). How would you rate your happiness level? What could you do today to move it up one point? This tool will help you to better influence your life in a positive way- no matter what the circumstance. Try doing this exercise every day. It may be as easy as putting on your favorite music, when you are feeling down. Or going for a walk outside instead of turning on the tv. My favorite is taking a relaxing bath with lavender and Epsom salts.
When we think better thoughts, we start to feel better. When we feel better, we make better choices. As we make better choices, we create a life that is happier, healthier and more fulfilling. It takes time to create these changes, but well worth the effort!
Creating a loving relationship with yourself is about looking at the areas in your life you want to see improve and then taking doable action steps that will allow you to grow your life in ways that are enriching to you. Self-love is also about realizing life isn’t always going to be easy, but we’re willing to find a way to overcome those hurdles, so we can grow stronger.
Imagine if you had no limitations on time, energy, finances, etc.… How would you be living? Is there something you’ve always wanted to experience? Is there an issue in your life you want to overcome? Your desire to create a better life may be to make simple, small changes. Or you may desire a totally new life change. The possibilities in life are endless. We can only achieve what we dare to dream. If we don’t have a vision for our happiness, then it’s hard to reach a target that doesn’t exist. We must have some purpose or motivation to get up out of bed in the morning and live another day. The more you believe in yourself and what’s possible for you, the more likely you are to achieve it.
Appreciate the journey you’re on. Even if it may not look pretty. You have the ability to create your own happy ending.